# Kids and social media, a parent's guide The research is calmer than the headlines, and the best protection isn't a ban. Here's what the studies actually show, a quick guide to the apps your kids will ask for, and the principle that keeps them safer than any age limit. By Øyvind Østmo · Published 22 Jul 2026 · Last updated 22 Oct 2026 · https://www.balansebarn.no/en/articles/guide-to-kids-and-social-media ## What the research actually shows Few corners of the kids-and-technology field have been studied harder, and few divide the researchers more. Two things are true at once: heavy social media use really is linked to poorer mental health in teenagers, and that link is well documented. It's also smaller, and far more conditional, than the headlines let on. [The big reviews of the field](https://doi.org/10.1111/jcpp.13190) land strikingly close to one another: the effects are real, small on average and very unevenly spread. Unevenly spread means some kids shrug it all off while others get hurt. The signal is clearest in three places: teenagers on social media more than three hours a day, girls in their early teens, and use that eats into sleep. The screen itself rarely does the damage. What hurts is the healthy stuff it replaces, and the kind of content it serves up. > In a study of 6,500 American 12 to 15-year-olds, the ones on social media more than three hours a day had roughly double the risk of anxiety and depression symptoms. Correlation isn't causation, but the finding keeps turning up, which is why American health authorities draw their line at exactly three hours. And this isn't happening somewhere far away. In Norway, [half of all 9 and 10-year-olds are on social media](/en/articles/kids-under-13-on-social-media), age limit or no age limit. The decision lands earlier than most of us had planned. So how do you know if your child is one of the ones being hurt? Researchers watch for the same signs you can watch for at home: - **Sleep loses.** Bedtime keeps slipping, or the phone starts sleeping in the bed. - **The mood after is worse than the mood before.** Not one rough evening, a pattern. - **Friends and hobbies that used to matter quietly fall away.** - **The use goes underground**, and questions about it get met with a wall. Any one of these can be a perfectly normal week in a child's life. Several at once, for weeks on end, means it's time to sit down and adjust things together. ## The apps they'll ask for, one by one The age limits below are the platforms' own. The 13-year limit comes from American privacy law, not developmental psychology. It's a floor, not a recommendation. These are the apps that come up most. Tap a name for a small card with the essentials and the way on to each guide. **[Snapchat](https://www.balansebarn.no/en/app-guide/snapchat) (age 13).** Disappearing messages, location sharing, the same kind of feed as [Instagram](https://www.balansebarn.no/en/app-guide/instagram)/[TikTok](https://www.balansebarn.no/en/app-guide/tiktok), plus streaks that reward showing up every day. For the classic opener, I've written a shorter answer of its own: [My child wants Snapchat because “everyone else has it”. What do I do?](/en/answers/my-child-wants-snapchat) **[Instagram](https://www.balansebarn.no/en/app-guide/instagram) (age 13).** The app where comparison lives: perfect bodies, perfect lives and a like count keeping score of both. This is where the research on girls in their early teens points most clearly. A private account and hidden likes help, but the feed underneath is the same. **[TikTok](https://www.balansebarn.no/en/app-guide/tiktok) (age 13).** The sharpest recommendation algorithm of the lot: it works out in record time what holds your child's gaze and serves up more of it. Your child's time is the business model. There's a time limit and a restricted mode in the settings, worth setting up together. Or do what I do, having decided the downsides outweigh the upsides in an app that was _not_ built _for_ our kids: “TikTok is a decision you can make for yourself when you're grown up.” **[Roblox](https://www.balansebarn.no/en/app-guide/roblox) (no real lower age limit).** Looks like a game, behaves like a social network: chat with strangers, its own currency and a steady drip of pressure to spend. The parental controls have got genuinely good, with content levels, chat settings and spending caps, but somebody has to actually turn them on. Sit down with your child and agree which games are OK, ideally with a rule that they only play with friends, never alone. **[WhatsApp](https://www.balansebarn.no/en/app-guide/whatsapp) (13 in Europe).** The limit dropped from 16 to 13 in 2024. The app itself is harmless enough; the drama lives in the group chats. A class group is the schoolyard after hours, complete with exclusion and screenshots that travel. And WhatsApp has grown a feed of sorts: the Updates tab carries channels and statuses, which is to say content to get stuck in. **[YouTube](https://www.balansebarn.no/en/app-guide/youtube) (age 13, YouTube Kids for the youngest).** The social side is the comment sections and the Shorts feed, built to hold attention exactly the way the feeds in [TikTok](https://www.balansebarn.no/en/app-guide/tiktok) and its cousins do. Shorts in particular is easy to get hooked on, and it's a world away from a 5 to 15 minute video about something your child actually wants to learn. Since March 2026 that feed can have [a daily limit of its own](/en/articles/turn-off-youtube-shorts) on a supervised account, and at zero minutes the rest of YouTube stays where it is. **[Pinterest](https://www.balansebarn.no/en/app-guide/pinterest) (age 13).** Didn't see that one coming, did you? It looks like a pinboard of recipes and bedroom inspiration, and it has private messaging. More on that in a moment. You'll find the apps that usually come up, with settings and conversation tips for each, in [the App Guide](/en/app-guide). ## The settings that take back the feed Instagram and TikTok both let you shape what the feed serves. The tool below walks through the settings, and it works well as something to do together. ## Social media turns up where you least expect it For us it was [Pinterest](https://www.balansebarn.no/en/app-guide/pinterest). The app we'd filed under harmless inspiration turned out to have private messaging, and our daughter suddenly found herself in [intense conversations with a stranger](/en/articles/good-digital-communication-for-kids#kontekst:A%20stranger%20or%20an%20adult%20asking%20for%20pictures%2C%20for%20secrets%2C%20or%20to%20move%20the%20chat%20to%20another%20app) who was struggling with suicidal thoughts. She carried it alone for a while, until we stumbled on it during a review of the apps she was using. The most important thing afterwards wasn't deleting the app. It was that she learned, first-hand, that she could talk to us about it calmly without getting told off. The lesson isn't “beware of [Pinterest](https://www.balansebarn.no/en/app-guide/pinterest)”. The lesson is that the social layer hides everywhere: in game chats, in comment sections, in voice chat in [Fortnite](https://www.balansebarn.no/en/app-guide/fortnite) and on [Discord](https://www.balansebarn.no/en/app-guide/discord), where the gaming talk tends to move in from about age ten. What you need to take a view on, and keep an eye on, isn't the app's category. It's the messaging. > An app is social media if it has messages, comments or a friends list. Even when it looks like a game, a mood board or a homework tool. > If your child, or someone they know, is struggling with dark thoughts: in Norway, Mental Helse runs a 24-hour helpline on 116 123, and Kors på halsen (the Red Cross) is there for children and teenagers on 800 333 21. ## The open door New apps and features arrive faster than any parent can track, and control without trust teaches a child exactly one skill: hiding better. What matters most is talking regularly, and your child knowing in their bones that they can show you anything at all without a telling-off and without losing the phone. An open door protects more than any age limit ever will. You can put it like this: > I promise that whatever has happened, you can tell me and I won't get angry. I'll just do my best to help you. So my single biggest recommendation is a trade: your child gets the apps you've said yes to, and in return the door stays open and you always get to see. When something strange surfaces, and it will, your job is to breathe, thank them for trusting you and give a reason they can understand whenever the answer is no. And this isn't one conversation. It's the same calm conversation, many times over, until it sticks. The words need backup too: real time limits, set in the system rather than left to good faith. ## Talking with your kids “You're going to see things online that are weird, gross or scary. That's not your fault, and you're not in trouble. You're also going to say and do silly things you'll regret afterwards. If you show me, I promise two things: I won't get angry, and you won't lose your phone. I just want to know, so you're not carrying it alone, and so I can help.” ## Closing thoughts The choice is rarely between a safe app and a dangerous one. Everything above can be perfectly fine for a fourteen-year-old who sleeps well and has an open door at home, and everything above can go badly wrong for an eleven-year-old facing it alone. How the app arrives matters more than when: together, with the settings done properly, and with a standing agreement that the door is open and nothing is secret. If you can't show me, you shouldn't have done it or written it. Four moves for everyday life with apps. - **The open-door agreement** Put the trade into words: “You get the apps we agree on. In return the door is open, nothing is secret, and you can show me anything at all, no telling-off, no losing the phone.” The rest of the job is keeping that promise on the day it's tested. - **Unknown app? Three questions** When your child asks for an app you've never heard of: what's the app's own age limit? Does it have messages, comments or a friends list? And what do trusted reviewers like barnevakten.no say about it? Ten minutes of homework, and your answer stands on something. If the app isn't in [the App Guide](/en/app-guide), this is the job. - **Set up the app together** Every new app gets set up side by side: private account, messages from strangers off, location sharing off, spending limits on. That way your child knows what's on and why. For the Instagram and TikTok feeds, [Take control of the algorithm](/en/algorithm) walks you through the settings. - **A monthly walkthrough** Once a month, your child shows you the apps they use and how they use them. They're the guide, you're the tourist. Don't correct anything along the way; you're there to learn the landscape. Then adjust together, as needed. ## Common questions ### Is social media bad for kids? It depends on the child. Heavy use is linked to poorer mental health in teenagers, but the effects are small on average and unevenly spread. Risk is highest above three hours a day, for girls in their early teens, and when it eats into sleep. ### How much social media is too much for a teenager? The research points to about three hours a day. In a study of 6,500 American 12 to 15-year-olds, those above that line had roughly double the risk of anxiety and depression symptoms. Correlation isn't causation, but the finding keeps turning up. ### Is 13 old enough for social media? Only as a floor. The 13-year limit comes from American privacy law rather than child development, so it says little about what suits your child. How an app arrives matters more than when: together, with the settings done and an open door at home. ### How do I know if social media is affecting my child? Four signs: bedtime keeps slipping, the mood afterwards is worse than before, friends and hobbies quietly fall away, and the use goes underground. Any one can be a normal week. Several at once, for weeks on end, means it's time to adjust things together. ### Should I let my child have TikTok? Not in our house. TikTok has the sharpest recommendation algorithm of the lot, and your child's time is the business model, so I think the downsides outweigh the upsides. If you do say yes, the time limit and restricted mode are worth setting up together. ### Is Roblox safe for kids? It can be, with parental controls on. Roblox looks like a game but has chat with strangers, its own currency and pressure to spend. Turn on content levels, chat settings and spending caps, agree which games are OK, and preferably friends only. ### How old do you have to be for WhatsApp? Thirteen in Europe, down from 16 since 2024. The app itself is harmless enough; the drama lives in the group chats: a class group becomes the playground after hours, with exclusion and screenshots that travel. The Updates tab is a feed of channels and statuses. ### What settings should I check when my child gets a new app? Private account, messages from strangers off, location sharing off and spending limits on. Set the app up side by side, so your child knows what's on and why. On Instagram and TikTok you can also shape what the feed serves. ### What should I do if my child sees something upsetting online? Breathe, and thank them for trusting you. A telling-off teaches a child one skill: hiding better next time. Let them keep the phone. What matters most is that your child learns they can talk to you calmly about anything. Adjust apps and settings together afterwards. ### How do I talk to my child about social media? I recommend a trade: your child gets the apps you've said yes to, and in return you always get to see what happens there, no telling-off. When the answer is no, give a reason they can understand. Expect the same calm conversation many times over. ## Sources - [Riehm mfl. (2019): Time spent using social media and internalizing problems among US youth, JAMA Psychiatry](https://doi.org/10.1001/jamapsychiatry.2019.2325) - [Orben & Przybylski (2019): The association between adolescent well-being and digital technology use, Nature Human Behaviour](https://www.nature.com/articles/s41562-018-0506-1) - [Odgers & Jensen (2020): Adolescent mental health in the digital age, Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry](https://doi.org/10.1111/jcpp.13190) — Odgers and Jensen reviewed the research on adolescents, mental health and digital technology. Their conclusion: the effects exist, but they're small on average and very unevenly spread between kids. - [Kelly mfl. (2018): Social media use and adolescent mental health, EClinicalMedicine (UK Millennium Cohort)](https://doi.org/10.1016/j.eclinm.2018.12.005) - [US Surgeon General (2023): Social Media and Youth Mental Health, advisory](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK594759/) - [APA (2023): Health advisory on social media use in adolescence](https://www.apa.org/topics/social-media-internet/health-advisory-adolescent-social-media-use) - [Medietilsynet: Barn og medier, undersøkelser om barns mediebruk](https://www.medietilsynet.no/digitale-medier/barn-og-medier/) - [Medietilsynet (2026): «Fanget i feeden», barn og ungdommers bruksmønstre i sosiale medier](https://www.medietilsynet.no/fakta/rapporter/barn-og-medier/2026/fanget-i-feeden-1/) - [CNN (2024): WhatsApp senker aldersgrensen i Europa fra 16 til 13 år](https://edition.cnn.com/2024/04/12/tech/whatsapp-minimum-age-europe) - [Roblox Safety Center: foreldrekontroller og innholdsnivåer](https://about.roblox.com/safety) - [Pinterest: bruksvilkår, minstealder 13 år](https://policy.pinterest.com/nb-no/terms-of-service)