# We were the experiment: our kids are round two If you're between 30 and 50, you were part of an experiment nobody signed off on: social media and smartphones rolled out with no training, no research and no experienced adults in the room. Some of us came out with tools, some with habits, and which one you got was largely luck. Now it's our kids' turn, and this time the outcome doesn't have to be down to chance. By Øyvind Østmo · Published 25 Jul 2026 · Last updated 27 Oct 2026 · https://www.balansebarn.no/en/articles/we-were-the-experiment ## Nobody gave us a handbook On 26 September 2006, Facebook opened to everyone over 13. A few months later, Steve Jobs walked on stage and held up the first iPhone. Within a year, childhood, friendship and attention were playing by entirely new rules. If you're between 30 and 50 today, you were somewhere between 10 and 30 when it happened. Think back: who taught you anything? Your parents knew less than you did. The researchers had nothing to study yet. We downloaded first and asked questions later, if we asked at all. And it was thrilling, overwhelmingly so. Old friends resurfaced from across the country and the world. What we didn't know was that we'd been handed a new drug, free, straight into our pockets, with no knowledge, no tools and no natural defences to slow us down. > When Facebook opened to everyone in 2006, not a single study existed on what social media does to a teenager over time. It couldn't exist; the phenomenon was brand new. The big studies, and the big academic fight over what they actually show, arrived a decade later. We were the study. ## An experiment with random results Some of us came through fine. We noticed what the screen was doing to us, worked out our own ground rules, put the phone away when it took too much. Others of us are still scrolling in bed at one in the morning, cross with ourselves because the choices no longer feel like our own. Most of us are both, depending on the day. How each of us fared had less to do with being “strong” or “weak” than with plain luck. This was never a test of character. Everything played a part, from your inner life to whatever your friends happened to be into. And while we fumbled along, the other side went professional. The student projects of 2006 are now an industry working from a documented recipe for gluing us to our screens. I'm one of those people who've sunk hundreds of hours into reading about this. That's not a reasonable ask of anyone with a full-time job, kids and a family calendar. It's why this site exists. Not because I'm any better at this than you, but because it became my interest, and eventually my job, to walk other families through the challenges around kids and technology. > We never got the training. We were the training. ## Round two is underway Our kids now stand where we stood, with two important differences. The first is bad news: their opponent is far better than ours was. The apps they meet have been sharpened by twenty years of measuring exactly what keeps us stuck in the feed. The second is good news: this time, the knowledge exists. The research is far more nuanced than the headlines, [the big analyses](https://www.nature.com/articles/s41562-018-0506-1) find smaller effects than you might expect, and much depends on how you measure. But on one point the findings are genuinely encouraging: [parents who take an active part in their kids' screen lives](https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7044585/), who talk, explain and set limits with the child [rather than simply banning things](/en/answers/does-taking-the-phone-away-help), are linked to less problematic use. Guiding works. What was luck in our round can be a choice in theirs. ## The most important chapter is about you Here's the lovely part: you don't have to be fully qualified to guide. You're still in the experiment yourself, and that's actually an asset. Kids don't do what you say; they do what you do. A child who watches an adult [manage their own phone with their cards on the table](/en/articles/take-back-control-of-your-focus) learns more than any rule could teach. Your choices are the curriculum, as long as your child sees them: “I'm leaving my phone in the kitchen, or no reading is getting done tonight.” And when you do set a rule for your child, it comes with a proper reason. Your own story is the best one you've got. If you're up for spending a couple of hours becoming the family “expert” on kids and technology, work through [the Parent Guide](/en/parent-guide): the site's 10 most important articles, with a little quiz at the end. Finish it and you'll have more to offer your kids than almost anyone had for us growing up. ## Talking with your kids “When I was your age, these apps didn't exist. And when they arrived, nobody taught me a thing about them. I had to figure it all out on my own, and there are things I wish an adult had told me. That's why we talk about this at home. Not because you've done anything wrong, but because you shouldn't have to be as alone with it as I was.” ## Closing thoughts It's not your fault you never got a handbook. Nobody did, and nobody owes any guilt for how they got through round one. But in round two the handbook exists, and leaving it on the shelf is a choice too. I'm wary of wagging fingers, but we parents do carry a responsibility here. We can't look away while our kids stand alone against something built to beat them. Three steps that use your own story as a tool. - **Tell them about your own experiment** Tell your child one honest story from your own early days online: the first hour that just vanished, the thing you posted and regretted, the game you couldn't put down. Not a warning, a story. Kids listen harder to “this happened to me” than to “this could happen to you”. It doesn't have to be ancient history either: “I picked up my phone to check the weather, saw an Instagram notification, lost ten minutes to the feed and forgot to check the weather. So who's in charge here, me or the phone?” When adults are open about being in the experiment themselves, accepting limits gets less shameful for the child. - **The rule you never got** Decide the one thing you most want your child to learn, and write it down. Then hand it over as exactly what it is: the most important rule you wish an adult had given you as a kid. If you need inspiration, try [the guide to kids and social media](/en/articles/guide-to-kids-and-social-media) or [the article on screen time](/en/articles/screen-time-for-kids-and-teens). - **Close one gap** Pick the app your child uses most and you understand least, and ask for the tour: what's fun, who they follow, what turns up in the feed. They're the guide, you're the tourist. You'll learn more from that one tour than from all the theory, and your child gets to watch you be genuinely curious. ## Common questions ### How long has there been research on social media and children? Not long. Facebook opened to everyone over 13 in 2006, the iPhone arrived a few months later, and at that point not a single study existed on what social media does to a teenager over time. The big studies only came a decade later. ### Why do some people get more hooked on their phones than others? Mostly luck, with your inner life and your friends playing a part. The apps are built to a recipe for holding our attention, and plenty of us parents still scroll in bed at one in the morning. That says nothing about being strong or weak. ### Is social media worse for kids now than it used to be? The apps are stronger, at least. The ones children meet today have been sharpened by twenty years of measuring what keeps us in the feed; what we met in 2006 were student projects. What helps is known now, though, which it wasn't for us. ### What does the research say about social media and children's mental health? It's more nuanced than the headlines. The big analyses find smaller effects than many expect, and much depends on how you measure. The most encouraging finding is that parents who talk with their child about screens and set limits together seem to make a difference. ### Does banning social media work for kids? Banning on its own seems to work less well than getting involved. Parents who talk about the apps, explain the rules and set limits together with the child are linked to less problematic use than parents who simply ban things. Guiding appears to work. ### Can I set screen rules if I'm always on my phone myself? Yes, and you don't need to be the finished article first. Children do what you do, so what teaches them most is watching you work on your own habits: “I'm leaving my phone in the kitchen, or no reading is getting done tonight.” ### How do I talk to my child about social media? Start with your own story. Tell them about the hour that vanished or the post you regretted. Children listen harder to “this happened to me” than to “this could happen to you”, and limits feel less shameful coming from someone who struggles too. ### How do I get my child to accept screen rules? Give the rule a reason, ideally your own story. Decide the one thing you wish an adult had taught you as a kid, write it down, and hand it over as just that. A rule with a reason is easier to accept than one without. ### How do I keep up with the apps my child uses? Ask for a tour. Pick the app your child uses most and you understand least, and let them show you what's fun and what turns up in the feed. One tour teaches you more than the theory, and your child sees you being genuinely curious. ## Sources - [Facebook (2006): Facebook Expansion Enables More People to Connect, åpen registrering for alle over 13 år](https://about.fb.com/news/2006/09/facebook-expansion-enables-more-people-to-connect-with-friends-in-a-trusted-environment/) - [Apple (2007): Apple Reinvents the Phone with iPhone, pressemelding](https://www.apple.com/newsroom/2007/01/09Apple-Reinvents-the-Phone-with-iPhone/) - [Nir Eyal: Hooked-modellen (trigger, handling, belønning, investering)](https://www.nirandfar.com/hooked/) - [Orben & Przybylski (2019): The association between adolescent well-being and digital technology use, Nature Human Behaviour](https://www.nature.com/articles/s41562-018-0506-1) — Orben and Przybylski analysed large datasets on teenagers and technology use and showed that the effects are small and depend heavily on how you measure. It's one of the reasons the research is more nuanced than the newspaper headlines. - [Nielsen mfl. (2020): Linking parental mediation practices to adolescents' problematic online screen use, systematic review, Journal of Behavioral Addictions](https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7044585/) — The systematic review pooled the studies on parents' media practices and problematic screen use in teenagers. Active mediation, talking about, explaining and using media together with the child, was linked to less problematic use than pure restriction.