Discord
Chat rooms built for gamers: in practice, the teenagers' clubhouse with no adults in it.
Discord is conversation, not a feed, and needs the same frames as any other chat: notifications with a bedtime and the phone's usual evening rules. Time spent tends to follow the gaming it's attached to.
The limits by age, and the moves that make them stick: Screen time for kids and teens, a complete guide.
The most important things to know
Discord is conversation organised into “servers”: everything from three friends who game together to open rooms with thousands of strangers. The first kind is often some of the healthiest social life the internet has. The second is, in practice, unmoderated and without an age check, and that's where the risk lives.
Family Center shows you which servers and contacts your child has been in touch with, without showing you the content. You see where your child goes, not what gets said.
What's positive about Discord for your child?
The small, closed servers are the teenage den: the friend group hangs out there while they game, do homework or just talk. No feed, no likes, no algorithm with designs on their time. That's rarer than you'd think, and worth protecting.
How can Discord affect your child negatively?
Open servers are another world: thousands of strangers, no adults and everything from brilliant hobby communities to content and people a child shouldn't meet.
The default that most often causes trouble: unless it's switched off, a stranger from an open server can message your child directly.
Settings you set together
- Message requests from strangers: off. Direct messages from friends only.
- Family Center gets set up together, with the cards on the table about what you can and can't see.
- Agree which servers are fine: closed ones with people they know, yes; open ones with strangers get a conversation first.
Ask your child about the app
- Which servers are you in, and which one do you actually hang out in?
- Who's usually in VC when you game, and what do you talk about when the game goes quiet?
- What are the rules on your friends' server, and who made them?
- If you were setting up a server for your class, what channels would it have?
Glossary
- server
- A space with its own members, channels and rules, from three friends to thousands of strangers. Despite the name, nothing technical: think of it as a clubhouse.
- channel
- A room inside a server, either text or voice, with a name and a purpose: #general, #memes, #homework. A big server can have dozens.
- VC
- Voice chat, the voice channels where friends talk while they game. “In VC” means on a call with the group, often for hours, with the game in the background.
- DM
- A direct message, one to one, outside any server. The setting that matters is whether a stranger from a shared server can send one.
- mod and admin
- The people who run a server: admins own it, mods keep order, delete messages and kick people out. On a friends' server this is often a 14-year-old.
- Nitro
- Discord's subscription, about 10 euros a month, for bigger uploads, animated emojis and a badge. A cheaper Nitro Basic exists too. Mostly cosmetic.
- ping
- An @mention that sends a notification to a person or to everyone. “Stop pinging me” is a complaint, and a whole server being pinged at midnight is a sleep problem.
- invite link
- A link that lets anyone who clicks it into a server. This is how your child ends up in open servers: a link in a game chat or a YouTube description.
- GC
- A group chat: a private DM with several friends, up to ten, outside any server. Where the closer circle talks.
Sources
The whole mindset behind the guide, with the research and the open-door principle: Kids and social media, a parent's guide
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