Clear, practical advice on kids and screens.
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Short answers to the questions parents actually ask. The answer first, then the reasoning. The full thinking is in the article each one links to.
195 questions
It may do. In a Norwegian study of 1,442 toddlers, two year olds with more screen time knew fewer words than their peers; one year olds showed no difference. Cause isn't proven: children who struggle with language may be handed a screen more often.
From the article: Screens and language: two year olds with more screen time know fewer words
None before the second birthday, says the Norwegian Directorate of Health. One exception: short video calls with people the child knows. For the youngest, screens tend to take the place of small exchanges with an adult, and those exchanges are where language is built.
From the article: Screens and language: two year olds with more screen time know fewer words
Largely because of language. It's built through interaction: a face that responds, turn-taking, pointing and naming, over and over. A two year old learns words by using them with someone, and screen time tends to come out of exactly those small exchanges.
From the article: Screens and language: two year olds with more screen time know fewer words
Not quite. The Norwegian Directorate of Health exempts short video calls with people the child knows from its zero-screens advice for under twos. A face that responds and waits for an answer gives exactly the back-and-forth that builds language.
From the article: Screens and language: two year olds with more screen time know fewer words
Very little, as far as the research shows. A two year old learns words by using them with someone; words streaming past on a screen don't stick well. The studies found more screen time alongside fewer words at two, and reading aloud alongside more.
From the article: Screens and language: two year olds with more screen time know fewer words
More than advised. A British study of over 4,700 two year olds found an average of 129 minutes a day, more than twice the WHO recommendation. Those with the most screen time scored 53 per cent on a vocabulary test, those with the least 65.
From the article: Screens and language: two year olds with more screen time know fewer words
Read aloud, and often. In the Norwegian study, one and two year olds who were read to a lot knew more words than their peers, most of all where mothers had the least education. A bedtime book also claims time the screen never gets.
From the article: Screens and language: two year olds with more screen time know fewer words
Yes. In the Oslo study, one year olds read to a lot also knew more words than their peers. Your child doesn't need to follow the story; the pointing, sounds and little exchanges build the words. Leave a book on the pillow for bedtime.
From the article: Screens and language: two year olds with more screen time know fewer words
Be consistent. A no that sometimes turns into a yes teaches your child that nagging pays, and the lesson sticks. Answer calmly and the same way every time, give the reason, and don't say yes because your child nagged. Nagging gradually turns into proper questions.
From the article: How do I stop the nagging and whining about screens?
Because it has worked before. A reward that arrives unpredictably sticks far harder than one that arrives every time, the same mechanism as a slot machine. Give in once out of ten and your child has learned that ten attempts can pay off.
From the article: How do I stop the nagging and whining about screens?
At home I ask “Have you ever once got something by nagging?” or say “The more you nag, the less you get.” Both work as long as they stay true, so the answer must hold afterwards. A raised voice already feeds the nagging.
From the article: How do I stop the nagging and whining about screens?
With a bit of humour. I say, smiling: “I don't speak whine, so you'll have to try that again in your normal voice.” That channel is closed, but the wish can still be heard, so the child has a way out that isn't a defeat.
From the article: How do I stop the nagging and whining about screens?
Because giving in pays off for both of you in the moment: your child gets their way and you get peace. Children also notice when resistance is low, so when you are tired, I think a short, calm no beats a long discussion.
From the article: How do I stop the nagging and whining about screens?
Yes, when your child has asked properly. Make an occasion of it: say yes straight away, explain why it fits today, and say you expect it not to lead to nagging next time. If the wish arrives after nagging, I hold the no.
From the article: How do I stop the nagging and whining about screens?
Everyone has. The next answer counts. Say it plainly: “Yesterday I said yes when you nagged, and that was my mistake. From now on, what I said stands.” Children cope well with adults correcting themselves, and they watch to see whether the new line holds.
From the article: How do I stop the nagging and whining about screens?
It pays off. In my experience a child who knows why nags less. A no without a reason is a wall your child tries to get around. A no with a reason can be disagreed with, and disagreement is the start of a conversation.
From the article: How do I stop the nagging and whining about screens?
Rarely, and especially not in anger. Your child learns that the strongest decides, and the nagging comes back with the phone. A time limit set in advance in Screen Time or Family Link, together with your child, holds better than one taken in the moment.
From the article: How do I stop the nagging and whining about screens?
Move the limit into the settings. A time limit in Screen Time on iPhone or Family Link on Android switches itself on, so nobody has to say no every evening. Set it together with your child, with a reason, and the argument becomes one conversation.
From the article: How do I stop the nagging and whining about screens?
Half an hour to an hour a day at most, ideally less and ideally together, is Norway's official advice for ages 2 to 5. Half an hour at 2, rising towards an hour at 5. The number is a ceiling, and screen-free days are fine.
From the article: Which apps and how much screen time are OK for a 2 to 5 year old?
Judge any app by five things: made for kids, no ads or pressure to buy, no feed or autoplay, a calm pace with a clear ending, and something to talk about together. Start with an ad-free, editorially curated kids' service, like Norway's NRK Super.
From the article: Which apps and how much screen time are OK for a 2 to 5 year old?
Preferably not regular YouTube. It isn't built for this age and comes with ads, a feed and autoplay in one package. If you end up there anyway, use YouTube Kids or a parent-managed account, turn autoplay off and stay in the room while they watch.
From the article: Which apps and how much screen time are OK for a 2 to 5 year old?
No. A real person who answers back is the exception all the way down to age zero, and it isn't the kind of screen time I worry about. I count a video call with grandma as company.
From the article: Which apps and how much screen time are OK for a 2 to 5 year old?
Preferably not. I'd keep the last hour before bedtime screen-free, and the bedroom screen-free too; those are the two parts of the official advice I'd hold firmest on. Children this age build body and brain while they sleep, and screens easily eat into that sleep.
From the article: Which apps and how much screen time are OK for a 2 to 5 year old?
Yes, a screen that's on in the background counts too. A TV that's always on takes from the small back-and-forth conversations language is built from, even when nobody is actually watching it. When no one is following along, I'd simply turn it off.
From the article: Which apps and how much screen time are OK for a 2 to 5 year old?
Preferably not, precisely because it works so well. A child who gets a screen every time they're bored or need settling gets little practice at being bored, and I'd rank that among the exercises with the most lasting value, for children and adults alike.
From the article: Which apps and how much screen time are OK for a 2 to 5 year old?
Fixed times remove most of it. Screen time at the same point every day, say after nursery while dinner's cooking, means “can I watch now?” already has an answer. Agree the ending before the screen goes on: “One episode, then we set the table together.”
From the article: Which apps and how much screen time are OK for a 2 to 5 year old?
With one short reason and a clear ending. Try something like: “The screen never says when it's had enough. It always wants one more. So I'm the one who says when. One more episode, then it's dinner.”
From the article: Which apps and how much screen time are OK for a 2 to 5 year old?
No, don't worry. Every family has sick days, flights and worn-out evenings, mine included, and the advice is a compass. What kind of screen matters more than the minutes: a film together on the sofa is nothing like the same time alone with short videos.
From the article: Which apps and how much screen time are OK for a 2 to 5 year old?
Norway's official advice: no screens under 2, at most an hour a day at 2 to 5, 1 to 1.5 hours at 6 to 12 and 1.5 to 3 hours for teenagers. The numbers are ceilings for free time only. Less is fine too.
From the article: Screen time for kids and teens, a complete guide
The advice is no, including background TV. At this age the brain is built through faces that answer back, and a murmuring TV steals the small exchanges language grows from. The one exception is a short video call with grandma while you sit beside them.
From the article: Screen time for kids and teens, a complete guide
At most 1 to 1.5 hours a day of free time, ideally less, in Norway's official advice, which also says hold off on social media. The first phone arrives at this age, so set the limit in Screen Time or Family Link from day one.
From the article: Screen time for kids and teens, a complete guide
At most 1.5 to 3 hours a day of free time, in Norway's advice. From 13 to 15 the limit is set together, with your teen proposing the number first; from 16 to 18 they gradually take over. TikTok itself defaults under-18s to 60 minutes.
From the article: Screen time for kids and teens, a complete guide
Research points to three costs of heavy use: less sleep, everything the screen displaces (play, friends, exercise) and mental health. Teenagers on social media over three hours a day have roughly double the risk of anxiety and depression symptoms. At average use, effects are small.
From the article: Screen time for kids and teens, a complete guide
Screen time where your child makes something, learns something or is with friends: building in Minecraft, gaming with teammates. An hour alone in a feed of short videos leaves little behind. Try asking “What did you make or watch today?” rather than counting minutes.
From the article: Screen time for kids and teens, a complete guide
Let your child propose the number, then put the limit into Screen Time on iPhone or Family Link on Android, ideally from day one. The system then enforces it instead of you. If you're well over the advice, halve the gap and let it settle.
From the article: Screen time for kids and teens, a complete guide
On iPhone and iPad, use Screen Time, with app limits and downtime. On Android, use Family Link, with daily per-app limits and a bedtime. TikTok adds Family Pairing, YouTube an autoplay switch. Set it up with your child, ideally the day the phone arrives.
From the article: Screen time for kids and teens, a complete guide
Best not. Norway's advice at every age: no screens in the bedroom at night or in the last hour before bed. Evening screen light delays melatonin, and children, who need more sleep than adults, are hit harder by losing it. It applies to adults too.
From the article: Screen time for kids and teens, a complete guide
Start with why the apps are free: they sell your child's time, and some of the world's cleverest people are paid to take as much as they can. The limit exists because sleep, friends, moving and free time matter more, and you set it together.
From the article: Screen time for kids and teens, a complete guide
Rarely the way you hope. Confiscating the phone ends tonight's battle, but it doesn't teach your child to put the phone down on their own. What works better: limits that live in the system and agreements made in peacetime.
When your child actually needs one, not when the pressure says it's time. And the first phone doesn't have to be a smartphone. Three questions that matter more than any age.
No voice, no face, no pauses, so the receiver reads in a tone of their own. We think our tone lands in nearly eight of ten messages; really, just over half. At our house, hard things get a conversation; text gets plans, jokes and hearts.
From the article: How to teach your kids to communicate well in messages and social media
With two questions before anything is sent: could you have said it face to face, and could anyone have seen it? Both should get a yes. Try inventing three messages together, one nice, one dubious and one angry, and let your child rule on each.
From the article: How to teach your kids to communicate well in messages and social media
Move the argument out of text. Hard things land better in a conversation, so help your child plan how to raise it out loud. Angry replies can be written, but in the notes app; whatever still feels right tomorrow can be sent, or better, said.
From the article: How to teach your kids to communicate well in messages and social media
Not necessarily. Screenshots exist in every app, including the ones where messages delete themselves, and a message vanishing in the app stops nobody taking a screenshot first. Anything sent can be passed on, and a confidential message stays confidential as long as the friendship does.
From the article: How to teach your kids to communicate well in messages and social media
Breathe, thank them for trusting you and look at it together. If you tell them off, ring another parent or confiscate the phone, they learn that speaking up was a mistake. If they're to come to you next time, the threshold should be zero.
From the article: How to teach your kids to communicate well in messages and social media
With a deal made before anything happens. Ours goes roughly: “If a message feels bad, or you're not sure how to write something, you can always show me. You'll never get told off or lose your phone for being honest with me.”
From the article: How to teach your kids to communicate well in messages and social media
Involve the school. Schools have a legal duty to act when a pupil isn't safe, and bullying that happens digitally counts. Reassure your child that speaking up isn't tattling. Threats, and pictures spreading without consent, often go on to the police as well.
From the article: How to teach your kids to communicate well in messages and social media
As a rule, yes. Pictures that sexualise anyone under 18 are illegal to take, keep and share, even between teenagers, and sharing pictures that violate someone's privacy is an offence too. Our rule has no grey areas: such pictures are never sent, whoever asks.
From the article: How to teach your kids to communicate well in messages and social media
Help them, with no telling off. Pressure and trickery are common, and a child pressured into sending a picture has been wronged. Support exists: parents first, then Slettmeg, a free Norwegian service that gets pictures removed, and the police when someone has broken the law.
From the article: How to teach your kids to communicate well in messages and social media
Ideally together with them, now and then. I'd make a habit early on of sitting down to look through apps and conversations, explaining that the point is to guide when it's needed, and that they'll handle more and more themselves.
From the article: How to teach your kids to communicate well in messages and social media
Often because the app was built that way. Four steps repeat until it becomes a habit: a trigger, usually a notification; one effortless action, a swipe; a reward you can't predict; and a small investment, a streak. Self-discipline is rarely the problem.
From the article: Hooked: the psychology that glues us to screens
The feed works like a slot machine: a reward arrives, but you never know which one, and the dopamine system fires hardest for rewards it can't predict. The natural stopping places are gone too: the feed has no bottom, and the next video starts itself.
From the article: Hooked: the psychology that glues us to screens
Yes, it's a good start, but rarely the whole job. Notifications are the external trigger, and those you can remove in the settings. Over time the app wires itself to something already in your child, like boredom, and then it no longer needs notifications.
From the article: Hooked: the psychology that glues us to screens
Who's in charge. A habit obeys you: you think “right, phone down”, and down it goes. With an addiction you hear yourself say “that's enough now” while the thumb keeps swiping anyway. At that point the app is steering you.
From the article: Hooked: the psychology that glues us to screens
Probably not. The diagnosis is reserved for the few who have lost control over a long stretch. Most kids have solidly built habits they never chose. “You're addicted” is a label to carry; “the app built you a habit” is something you can change.
From the article: Hooked: the psychology that glues us to screens
Watch how hard stopping is rather than counting hours. If your child can wrap up when you've agreed, sighing included, your child is still in charge. If every stop is a battle, the game has taken over, and that's what you work on together.
From the article: Hooked: the psychology that glues us to screens
Yes. The WHO recognises gaming disorder, the only screen-related diagnosis it has. The hallmark is loss of control: gaming crowds out everything else and carries on despite obvious harm, usually for at least twelve months before anyone makes the diagnosis. It applies to adults too.
From the article: Hooked: the psychology that glues us to screens
Not in itself. Gaming has plenty going for it: the social side, quick problem-solving, teamwork and laughter, and it rests the head much as sport does. As long as it stays a hobby rather than sliding into addiction, I think it's a good thing.
From the article: Hooked: the psychology that glues us to screens
Ideally without the word “addicted”. Explain the tricks: “The apps are made by grown-ups who earn money when you use them. They use surprises so you'll check again, and things you collect so a break hurts. That's why it's hard to stop. You're not weak.”
From the article: Hooked: the psychology that glues us to screens
Expose the tricks together. Ask about their favourite app: “What made you open it? What were you hoping to find? What have you collected that you'd miss?” Admit it when you get caught yourself: “I got stuck in my phone again.” And turn off autoplay.
From the article: Hooked: the psychology that glues us to screens
A streak is a counter that grows for every day your child uses the app and resets to zero the day they don't. Snapchat wants a snap in both directions every 24 hours, Duolingo counts consecutive days of practice, and games count days logged in.
From the article: The case against streaks: even Duolingo can get its hooks into your child
Because a streak plays on the fear of losing something. Psychologists showed in 1979 that a loss feels roughly twice as strong as an equivalent gain. Your child gets a small possession for free, then works every day to keep it. Frightened users come back.
From the article: The case against streaks: even Duolingo can get its hooks into your child
Two friends keep a streak alive by sending a snap in both directions every 24 hours. Miss a day and the flame disappears. For many kids it becomes an obligation with a daily deadline, and some lend passwords so friends can “streak-sit” on holiday.
From the article: The case against streaks: even Duolingo can get its hooks into your child
The content is good, and your child learns a language. What I'd watch is the streak. It pulls the same lever as Snapchat: Duolingo says it exists to build a daily habit and bring people back, and sells a “streak freeze”, insurance against losing it.
From the article: The case against streaks: even Duolingo can get its hooks into your child
Ask what would happen if they took a day off, then just listen. If the answer sounds like panic, it's a sign the streak has taken over the habit. Many kids will only admit it to a parent who listens without judging.
From the article: The case against streaks: even Duolingo can get its hooks into your child
Three moves. Agree in advance that nothing happens when a streak breaks. Give streaks a holiday when the family has one. Count what's learned instead of days in a row: “you know 400 words” can't be lost. Streaks already long? The talk still works.
From the article: The case against streaks: even Duolingo can get its hooks into your child
I'd give them a holiday too, agreed before you leave: “when we're off, the streaks are off”. No charging halfway up a mountain for a flame, no friends streak-sitting on borrowed passwords. The first time costs an evening of sulking, then it's a holiday again.
From the article: The case against streaks: even Duolingo can get its hooks into your child
Yes, when your child does the counting. Keeping track of your own progress, on your own terms, makes you more likely to reach the goal. The difference is whether your child can skip a sick day without everything resetting. If so, the habit is theirs.
From the article: The case against streaks: even Duolingo can get its hooks into your child
Explain that a streak is built to make them afraid of losing it, because frightened users come back every day. Friends don't vanish over a day without a snap, and neither does their Spanish. Suggest counting what they've learned instead of days in a row.
From the article: The case against streaks: even Duolingo can get its hooks into your child
No Norwegian law sets one yet. The government wants its planned age limit of 16 to cover gaming platforms like Roblox, but that's only a plan. The birth date on the account controls content levels, chat limits and account type, so check it's real.
From the article: A parent's guide to Roblox: the social network that looks like a game
It depends on the setup and the games your child plays. With a real birth date, a linked parent account and content levels in place, there's plenty of good play. Keep play where you can see and hear, and judge one game at a time.
From the article: A parent's guide to Roblox: the social network that looks like a game
Formally it's a gaming platform, but it has a social network's features: chat, a friends list, recommendations, in-game purchases and daily rewards. The Norwegian Media Authority puts it in the same category as social media, and I'd meet it with the same settings and conversations.
From the article: A parent's guide to Roblox: the social network that looks like a game
Yes, according to the Norwegian Media Authority's 2026 report. Perks come with a countdown, kids describe games where whoever pays wins, and some charge Robux to revive your character. Several games have loot boxes, and the Authority puts the main responsibility on the games industry.
From the article: A parent's guide to Roblox: the social network that looks like a game
Brookhaven RP: yes, easy to leave. Adopt Me: yes, with a Robux agreement and purchase lock. Dress to Impress: yes, Freeplay or friends only, chat off, no VIP. 99 Nights in the Forest: no for 9 to 12-year-olds. Clip It: no, a TikTok inside Roblox.
From the article: A parent's guide to Roblox: the social network that looks like a game
Yes, anyone can, and kids see other people's chat even with their own switched off. Set chat limits from the parent account, and agree a stop signal: anyone asking for pictures or secrets, or wanting to move to another app, means your child tells you.
From the article: A parent's guide to Roblox: the social network that looks like a game
The currency inside Roblox, bought with real money. Some games add a currency of their own, like “Bucks” in Adopt Me, which are bought with Robux. Agree what Robux might be bought for and when, and switch on the purchase lock with a PIN.
From the article: A parent's guide to Roblox: the social network that looks like a game
Boxes you pay for without knowing what's inside, the same mechanism as a slot machine. The Norwegian Media Authority found them in several popular games, Adopt Me included, and loot boxes alone earn a PEGI 16 rating. Worth raising when you agree on spending.
From the article: A parent's guide to Roblox: the social network that looks like a game
Start with the birth date: it controls content levels and chat limits. Then link a parent account and set content level, chat limits and purchase lock together with your child. You can then see what they play and block or approve games until they're 16.
From the article: A parent's guide to Roblox: the social network that looks like a game
Hours tell you less than you'd think. An hour of Minecraft with friends in the living room and an hour alone with a free phone game are worlds apart. If your child sleeps enough, does homework, sees friends offline and gets moving, you can relax.
From the article: Guide to kids and gaming
Rarely in itself. A European study of 3,195 children aged 6 to 11 found the heaviest players did at least as well at school and with peers as everyone else. The cost usually lies in what gaming displaces: sleep, homework, offline friends and exercise.
From the article: Guide to kids and gaming
Often because it's literally true. The big games run in rounds that can't be paused, since twenty or fifty other people are playing the same one, much like a footballer mid-half. I'd warn your child fifteen minutes before, so they can finish the round.
From the article: Guide to kids and gaming
Agree when the playing ends and remind them fifteen minutes before. For games played in rounds, agreed sessions often work better than hard limits in Screen Time or Family Link, because a child mid-round can't walk out. Let the final minutes be their own call.
From the article: Guide to kids and gaming
My rule of thumb is no purchases inside the game. A digital outfit does hold value, because enough people agree it does, much like a diamond. If it's only cool for a week and can't be sold on, calling it a waste seems fair.
From the article: Guide to kids and gaming
The PEGI number rates the content for the age: violence, language and scary scenes. It says nothing about how the game holds on to your child or makes its money. EA Sports FC is PEGI 3 and sells random card packs for real money.
From the article: Guide to kids and gaming
It depends on what's played and who's there. Roblox holds more than 14 million user-made games, and the risk lives in chat with strangers. Set chat to friends only in the settings; at our house, nobody chats with people they don't know in real life.
From the article: Guide to kids and gaming
Look at whether your child can stop, and at what gaming displaces (sleep, homework, friends), rather than the hours. By the strictest criteria, fewer than 2 per cent of those who game meet the WHO's bar for “gaming disorder”. Rare, but serious for those families.
From the article: Guide to kids and gaming
With curiosity. “How long have you been playing?” opens a defence, while “Show me” opens a tour of what kind of game it is, who's in there and where it happens. Try “Which of those are your friends?” or “Show me what you've built.”
From the article: Guide to kids and gaming
Games where your child improves, decides for themselves and plays with someone: building games like Minecraft, story games that end, like Zelda, co-op games like It Takes Two, skill games like Rocket League. Free phone games built on waiting and daily quests give little back.
From the article: Guide to kids and gaming
It depends on the child. Heavy use is linked to poorer mental health in teenagers, but the effects are small on average and unevenly spread. Risk is highest above three hours a day, for girls in their early teens, and when it eats into sleep.
From the article: Kids and social media, a parent's guide
The research points to about three hours a day. In a study of 6,500 American 12 to 15-year-olds, those above that line had roughly double the risk of anxiety and depression symptoms. Correlation isn't causation, but the finding keeps turning up.
From the article: Kids and social media, a parent's guide
Only as a floor. The 13-year limit comes from American privacy law rather than child development, so it says little about what suits your child. How an app arrives matters more than when: together, with the settings done and an open door at home.
From the article: Kids and social media, a parent's guide
Four signs: bedtime keeps slipping, the mood afterwards is worse than before, friends and hobbies quietly fall away, and the use goes underground. Any one can be a normal week. Several at once, for weeks on end, means it's time to adjust things together.
From the article: Kids and social media, a parent's guide
Not in our house. TikTok has the sharpest recommendation algorithm of the lot, and your child's time is the business model, so I think the downsides outweigh the upsides. If you do say yes, the time limit and restricted mode are worth setting up together.
From the article: Kids and social media, a parent's guide
It can be, with parental controls on. Roblox looks like a game but has chat with strangers, its own currency and pressure to spend. Turn on content levels, chat settings and spending caps, agree which games are OK, and preferably friends only.
From the article: Kids and social media, a parent's guide
Thirteen in Europe, down from 16 since 2024. The app itself is harmless enough; the drama lives in the group chats: a class group becomes the playground after hours, with exclusion and screenshots that travel. The Updates tab is a feed of channels and statuses.
From the article: Kids and social media, a parent's guide
Private account, messages from strangers off, location sharing off and spending limits on. Set the app up side by side, so your child knows what's on and why. On Instagram and TikTok you can also shape what the feed serves.
From the article: Kids and social media, a parent's guide
Breathe, and thank them for trusting you. A telling-off teaches a child one skill: hiding better next time. Let them keep the phone. What matters most is that your child learns they can talk to you calmly about anything. Adjust apps and settings together afterwards.
From the article: Kids and social media, a parent's guide
I recommend a trade: your child gets the apps you've said yes to, and in return you always get to see what happens there, no telling-off. When the answer is no, give a reason they can understand. Expect the same calm conversation many times over.
From the article: Kids and social media, a parent's guide
Hold the line, but listen: your child isn't really asking for an app, they're asking not to be left out. You can say no to Snapchat and still take that seriously. Here's how to do both.
No, wait a little longer. The age limit is 13, and it's there for a reason. Here's what sits behind it and what to say when the arguing starts.
Often because you're escaping something: restlessness, a dull task, the silence where your own thoughts turn up, and the phone is the nearest emergency exit. Learning to sit with that discomfort takes practice. The notifications, around 60 a day, are quick to turn off.
From the article: Take back control of your focus: become “indistractable”
Start with the notifications. Turn off every one that isn't urgent the moment it arrives, and your phone stops interrupting you 60 times a day. You decide once, and the decision lives in your settings instead of your willpower. Your phone is a tool again.
From the article: Take back control of your focus: become “indistractable”
Everything that isn't urgent the moment it happens, I'd say. Open Settings, then Notifications, and keep calls, the calendar and perhaps plain text messages. Email, LinkedIn, Snapchat, news, games and offers are built to feel urgent without being urgent.
From the article: Take back control of your focus: become “indistractable”
Because they earn money every time you open them. Your attention is the product, and a notification is the app's way of calling you back in. Worth telling your child: “The apps buzz because it pays them. Now we decide who gets to interrupt us.”
From the article: Take back control of your focus: become “indistractable”
More than you notice. A vibration alone is enough: in one experiment, concentration dropped measurably in people who heard their phone buzz without checking it, roughly as much as if they had used it. The thought “who was that?” costs you focus.
From the article: Take back control of your focus: become “indistractable”
Over 25 minutes on average, when researchers followed office workers through their working day. By the time people were back in the interrupted task, they had passed through two others. Each notification you allow in costs far more than the seconds it takes to read.
From the article: Take back control of your focus: become “indistractable”
Kids read every glance at the phone as something mattering more than them, before they can say so. Parents often distracted this way report more restlessness in their kids. In restaurants, kids nag more once the phone comes out, and replies turn short and sharp.
From the article: Take back control of your focus: become “indistractable”
Mostly by doing it yourself. A parent who leaves the phone face down and does nothing when it buzzes shows, day after day, that a person can own their own attention. Explaining and repeating help, but the example weighs most.
From the article: Take back control of your focus: become “indistractable”
I would, but together with your child and after you've done your own. Go through the apps and let your child answer whether each one is ever urgent. Friends who genuinely need them fast can call or text, and they learn that quickly.
From the article: Take back control of your focus: become “indistractable”
Add them to your phone's “always allow” list under Focus or Notifications, and they get through regardless. For total quiet, give your closest people a separate messaging app, Signal or Viber say, with notifications always on. And ask them to call if it's urgent.
From the article: Take back control of your focus: become “indistractable”
Because a child who hears the reason tends to carry the rule with them. “Because I say so” can buy peace in the moment, but rarely more than obedience while someone is watching. In 1967, researchers linked parents' explanations to children's empathy and moral development.
From the article: “Because I say so” only lasts until you leave the room
One sentence: “The rule is X, because Y.” Pick the strongest reason; give three and the good one drowns among the half-good. The reason can point to others: “When you pick up your phone at the table, grandma feels less important than a screen.”
From the article: “Because I say so” only lasts until you leave the room
Yes, just not in the moment. Give the reason once, calmly, and let the rule stand. The negotiation can come the next day, and it's worth the time: your child gets heard and practises arguing a case. A good enough argument can change your mind.
From the article: “Because I say so” only lasts until you leave the room
If you've explained the rule and the reason, you don't owe a second lecture. Answer calmly: “I hear you disagree, but the rule stays for now. Bring me a counter-proposal tomorrow if you like.” Your child has been heard, and there's a way forward.
From the article: “Because I say so” only lasts until you leave the room
Briefly. A three year old needs no lecture, just a short reason and a calm adult who follows through: “The iPad sleeps on its charger in the living room, so your brain gets to sleep too.” Same rule as they grow, just a fuller reason.
From the article: “Because I say so” only lasts until you leave the room
Same limit and same reason as when they were small, just in more detail. Our rules are written down, and when one frustrates my 15 year old, we put it on the table: is it outdated, or is she ready to regulate herself?
From the article: “Because I say so” only lasts until you leave the room
Rarely on its own. A ban without conversation can make the forbidden more tempting; psychologists call it reactance, and use tends to bounce back once nobody's checking. What seems to reduce risk is talking about the content, explaining, joining in and repeating it over time.
From the article: “Because I say so” only lasts until you leave the room
Not every time. If you usually give the reason, your child can take an “I don't have time for a speech now, so trust that I've got a good reason. We'll go through it tonight.” Say it every time, and your child stops believing it.
From the article: “Because I say so” only lasts until you leave the room
When it's urgent, like a child chasing a ball towards a road and you shout “Stop!” They stop first, and you talk it through afterwards. The deal that the reason reliably comes later is what makes “stop” work on the day it counts.
From the article: “Because I say so” only lasts until you leave the room
Possibly. Try giving each rule's reason in one sentence. If it won't fit, the rule may be a habit from your childhood. “Don't play with your food” may be about food not going to waste. The rule gets smaller, but truer and easier to accept.
From the article: “Because I say so” only lasts until you leave the room
Often because it was said once, while everything else your child meets repeats itself. The feed, adverts and friends say their piece many times a day, and what's repeated with gaps in between sticks. Repeat it calmly and often, spread out over time.
From the article: “Yeah yeah, I know”: repetition that helps kids
Yes, when the nagging is knowledge with a reason attached, repeated calmly and spread out over time. Repetition is one of the most solid findings in memory research: what comes back again and again sticks. Criticism, by contrast, survives almost no repetition.
From the article: “Yeah yeah, I know”: repetition that helps kids
More than you'd think, with gaps in between. Knowledge repeated over weeks is remembered far better than the same thing delivered in one go, across several hundred studies. Ten repetitions in one evening count as one. Once a week for ten weeks counts as ten.
From the article: “Yeah yeah, I know”: repetition that helps kids
Carry on, calmly. A child who knows exactly what you're about to say already has your sentence in their head, so I read it as a receipt: message received, currently being processed. Said with half a smile, it's often a running joke you share.
From the article: “Yeah yeah, I know”: repetition that helps kids
Often because the nagging has become criticism. “You're on your phone again” survives almost no repetition, while knowledge like “your brain needs breaks with no input” can take a hundred. And bring the reason every time, since rules without reasons tend to breed resistance.
From the article: “Yeah yeah, I know”: repetition that helps kids
Some repetition is probably unavoidable, but it can be honest and varied. Tell your child: “I'm going to repeat this until it sticks, then I'll stop nagging.” Keep the core message and change the wrapping: the car version, the dinner version, the one-liner.
From the article: “Yeah yeah, I know”: repetition that helps kids
Give the nagging an off switch your child controls. Say something like “the day I see you doing it without a reminder, I'm done nagging about it.” Then your child knows what it takes, and the goal becomes knowledge they own.
From the article: “Yeah yeah, I know”: repetition that helps kids
Largely because they repeat themselves. What we meet often becomes familiar, and what's familiar feels true and safe. Advertising and algorithms have built a business model on messages needing many meetings before they stick. The same mechanism is there for you at home.
From the article: “Yeah yeah, I know”: repetition that helps kids
Yes, a little boredom is probably good for them. When nothing is happening, the brain switches on a network of its own that tidies memories, rehearses the future and incubates ideas. A child who gets to be bored is practising being in their own head.
From the article: You're bored? Good!
It changes jobs rather than resting. A network researchers call the default mode network works harder when you're doing nothing in particular: sorting memories, running through plans and conversations, letting ideas mature. It uses roughly as much energy as solving maths problems.
From the article: You're bored? Good!
The research suggests so, though the experiments used adults. People given a dull task during a break came back measurably more creative than those who worked through it or simply rested. Boredom seems to tip the brain into daydreaming, and the daydreaming does the work.
From the article: You're bored? Good!
Ideally something that leaves the boredom unanswered, no activity suggestions. Try “Lovely, that means something's on its way.” Add a short why: “Your brain has a work mode that only switches on when you're a bit bored. That's when it comes up with new ideas.”
From the article: You're bored? Good!
Yes, it can be. The research isn't an argument for banning screens in the car. At our house I still sometimes say no to music on long journeys, and once the complaining dies down we often get conversations and nonsense we'd never have had otherwise.
From the article: You're bored? Good!
A break from the sound is probably wise. The brain tidies memories and incubates ideas only when nothing is playing. With a podcast from waking and music on the school run, it rarely gets the chance. One sound-free hour a day can help.
From the article: You're bored? Good!
Let the boredom sit for a bit. Fixed input-free times help: no screens, no podcast, no music. Ours are the first hour after waking, the last hour before bed and every meal. The complaining usually dies out, and what follows is often surprisingly good.
From the article: You're bored? Good!
Because sitting alone with your thoughts is uncomfortable for many of us. When researchers asked people to do just that for a quarter of an hour, plenty preferred giving themselves small electric shocks. The same discomfort has us reaching for a podcast or the phone.
From the article: You're bored? Good!
More than anything you say. Kids do as you do. Queue at the checkout with your phone out and they learn that spare minutes are for filling. Pick one regular waiting situation where the phone stays in your pocket. They'll notice without being told.
From the article: You're bored? Good!
More than you do, and often more than a busy family week allows. A preschooler needs 10 to 13 hours, a school-age child 9 to 11 and a teenager 8 to 10. The best move is a fixed bedtime with room for enough sleep.
From the article: The science of good sleep
Children build their brains while they sleep, so they need more of it than adults do. Deep sleep repairs the body and fixes the day's learning; dream sleep processes feelings and impressions. A child who has slept too little finds it harder to learn.
From the article: The science of good sleep
Ideally, yes. The body clock settles when the days look alike. Two extra hours on Sunday feel like flying two time zones west, with the flight home due Monday. Wake-up time matters most, so try not to shift it far at the weekend.
From the article: The science of good sleep
Because the body clock shifts later in the teenage years. Teenagers get sleepy later, need 8 to 10 hours, and school drags them up before the body is ready. Sleeping in at the weekend makes Monday even harder. Spare them a little extra sympathy.
From the article: The science of good sleep
I'd recommend a screen-free hour, with phones sleeping outside the bedroom. Bright light near the face holds back melatonin, so the body waits to get sleepy. In one experiment, reading on a glowing tablet delayed melatonin by about an hour and a half.
From the article: The science of good sleep
Yes, because it cools you down afterwards. Core temperature must drop about a degree before sleep. The warmth opens the skin's blood vessels, so heat escapes faster once you're out. Shower about an hour before bed; in studies, people fell asleep almost ten minutes faster.
From the article: The science of good sleep
Around 18 degrees, a little cooler than most homes. The body has to cool down to fall asleep, and an overheated room is a common reason children lie tossing and turning. Air it before bedtime; it should feel slightly cool under the duvet.
From the article: The science of good sleep
Ideally early in the day. Caffeine has a half-life of five to six hours, so half of a 3pm coffee is still in you at 9pm. In one study, caffeine six hours before bed measurably worsened sleep. Same arithmetic for a teenager's energy drink.
From the article: The science of good sleep
Try dropping the demand to sleep. “Go to sleep now, or you'll be tired tomorrow” teaches a child to lie there monitoring whether sleep is coming. Something like: “You don't have to sleep. Just lie here and rest, and sleep will come by itself.”
From the article: The science of good sleep
A light evening snack is fine; it's the big, late dinner that can cost you some sleep, since your body is still digesting. In one study, adults who ate within three hours of bedtime woke during the night more often than those who ate earlier.
From the article: The science of good sleep
Not long. Facebook opened to everyone over 13 in 2006, the iPhone arrived a few months later, and at that point not a single study existed on what social media does to a teenager over time. The big studies only came a decade later.
From the article: We were the experiment: our kids are round two
Mostly luck, with your inner life and your friends playing a part. The apps are built to a recipe for holding our attention, and plenty of us parents still scroll in bed at one in the morning. That says nothing about being strong or weak.
From the article: We were the experiment: our kids are round two
The apps are stronger, at least. The ones children meet today have been sharpened by twenty years of measuring what keeps us in the feed; what we met in 2006 were student projects. What helps is known now, though, which it wasn't for us.
From the article: We were the experiment: our kids are round two
It's more nuanced than the headlines. The big analyses find smaller effects than many expect, and much depends on how you measure. The most encouraging finding is that parents who talk with their child about screens and set limits together seem to make a difference.
From the article: We were the experiment: our kids are round two
Banning on its own seems to work less well than getting involved. Parents who talk about the apps, explain the rules and set limits together with the child are linked to less problematic use than parents who simply ban things. Guiding appears to work.
From the article: We were the experiment: our kids are round two
Yes, and you don't need to be the finished article first. Children do what you do, so what teaches them most is watching you work on your own habits: “I'm leaving my phone in the kitchen, or no reading is getting done tonight.”
From the article: We were the experiment: our kids are round two
Start with your own story. Tell them about the hour that vanished or the post you regretted. Children listen harder to “this happened to me” than to “this could happen to you”, and limits feel less shameful coming from someone who struggles too.
From the article: We were the experiment: our kids are round two
Give the rule a reason, ideally your own story. Decide the one thing you wish an adult had taught you as a kid, write it down, and hand it over as just that. A rule with a reason is easier to accept than one without.
From the article: We were the experiment: our kids are round two
Ask for a tour. Pick the app your child uses most and you understand least, and let them show you what's fun and what turns up in the feed. One tour teaches you more than the theory, and your child sees you being genuinely curious.
From the article: We were the experiment: our kids are round two
Because irritation rests on an expectation that isn't being met, and home has the most expectations per square metre. Most we've never put into words, and with our kids we often set them by what we ourselves can do, years before the child can.
From the article: Why do I get so irritated with my kids?
Irritation rests on an expectation that isn't being met, anger on a demand, and disappointment on a wish. If what you feel is irritation, a wish has become an expectation, and the expectation is yours. So you can check whether it fits your child's age.
From the article: Why do I get so irritated with my kids?
Less than we think. A four year old tidies up with you. A nine year old remembers her plate with a reminder. A fourteen year old remembers it herself, but not every day. Everyday things only. If someone is unkind to your child, speak up.
From the article: Why do I get so irritated with my kids?
Rarely because they don't want to. Remembering to do something later, while something else is more interesting, is a skill of its own that develops through childhood. Working memory grows steadily from 4 to around 14, so a forgotten chore is mostly lack of room.
From the article: Why do I get so irritated with my kids?
Because breaking off something the brain is fully absorbed in, on command, uses the part of the brain that finishes last. That's an adult expectation. If you say in advance when the round has to end, with a small buffer, your child often manages it.
From the article: Why do I get so irritated with my kids?
There are four ways: try to change your child, change your own expectation, leave the room, or stay irritated. The second is the strongest. Look for the sentence that starts with “I was expecting”, and check whether it's set at adult level.
From the article: Why do I get so irritated with my kids?
Try naming it as a wish: “I wish you'd remember to put your plate in, but I'm not irritated or angry.” It's hard to get angry about something you've just called a wish, and your child sees an adult sorting out their feelings.
From the article: Why do I get so irritated with my kids?
Because repetition is how children learn, and remembering to do something later matures right through childhood. Until your child does it unprompted, the reminder is often part of your job. Said as a wish, even for the fortieth time, nothing in you has to escalate.
From the article: Why do I get so irritated with my kids?
Yes, ideally the same day, because your child learns from it: “I got irritated, and it wasn't your fault. I expected you to remember the plate by yourself, and that's maybe too much for a nine year old. I'll keep reminding you, without being cross.”
From the article: Why do I get so irritated with my kids?
Not in itself, and I wouldn't take it away. What I'd rather avoid is it becoming the first stop when something hurts. That's when your child misses the practice of being understood by a human who isn't automatically on their side.
From the article: When your child confides in AI instead of you
It's a smaller group, often lonely or vulnerable kids. Among Norwegian children aged 9 to 16, 15 per cent use AI for health advice or to share worries. Of those who do, one in four says it understands them better than most people.
From the article: When your child confides in AI instead of you
Usually it's about how easy it is to go to. The chatbot is awake at 23:40, hasn't had a hard day, doesn't get disappointed or scared on your child's behalf, and doesn't interrupt. Those are product features, and hard for any human to match.
From the article: When your child confides in AI instead of you
Nobody knows yet. Kids who use AI daily or weekly report more loneliness than those who rarely do, but it's at least as likely that lonely children turn to the chatbot more often. A child leaning hard on it may need more people around them.
From the article: When your child confides in AI instead of you
No. These are chatbots built to be someone to talk to, and the specialists who assessed them concluded they aren't safe for anyone under 18. Character.AI has itself closed its open conversations to minors. Ordinary AI tools like ChatGPT are a different matter.
From the article: When your child confides in AI instead of you
Yes. One in six kids who have used an AI chatbot has been served inappropriate content, and only one in three of those told an adult. Worth agreeing in advance that your child shows you anything odd, you won't get angry and nobody loses anything.
From the article: When your child confides in AI instead of you
Save a standing instruction asking it to ease off the agreement and push back when it disagrees. In ChatGPT the field sits under Settings, Personalization and “Custom instructions”, and from there it covers every new conversation. It's at least as useful on your child's account.
From the article: When your child confides in AI instead of you
By lowering the threshold. Three things set it: you're available, your reaction is predictable, and honesty never costs your child anything. A good start is ten predictable minutes without the phone every day, perhaps at bedtime, when your child knows you can be reached.
From the article: When your child confides in AI instead of you
I wouldn't. It's fine for practical things and thinking out loud. Say instead that when something hurts, you'd like them to talk to you or another adult they trust. A real person who knows them can see how they're doing and be there for them.
From the article: When your child confides in AI instead of you
For most children it isn't dangerous, but as I see it, it's a short-term disservice. A chatbot that is there around the clock and nearly always takes the child's side removes the practice of being understood by someone who sees things differently.
From the article: AI is not your friend
Because agreeing was rewarded in training. Language models are trained on human feedback, and people score the answers they like highest. Stanford researchers measured it: chatbots sided with the user 49 per cent more often than people, even when the user had hurt someone.
From the article: AI is not your friend
Two ways stand out, as I read the research. A chatbot that takes the child's side leaves them surer they were right and less willing to make up after a row. One that serves up the homework answers means they learn less than without AI.
From the article: AI is not your friend
Yes, if it gives hints rather than answers. Students who practised maths with a standard GPT-4 chat did 17 per cent worse on the exam than students without AI, while a version that only gave hints seemed to remove the harm.
From the article: AI is not your friend
Link your account to your child's in ChatGPT and open the parental controls. There I'd first set “Study Mode” as the default for new conversations, so the model asks questions and gives hints rather than answers. In the research, hints seemed to remove the harm.
From the article: AI is not your friend
Give it a permanent instruction. Chatbots generally follow instructions, including one to push back when you're wrong. Save it on the account and it covers every new conversation. On your child's account, I'd do it together with your child and explain why.
From the article: AI is not your friend
I'd rather they didn't. When something hurts, we need people who know us and understand feelings in a way robots don't. In our house the rule is that the kids come to us before they ask a chatbot about anything painful.
From the article: AI is not your friend
Yes, fairly common. In an American survey, 72 per cent of teenagers had tried an AI companion, and 33 per cent had taken something serious to the chatbot instead of to a person. Specialists who assessed the apps found them unsafe for anyone under 18.
From the article: AI is not your friend
Yes, within some limits. At home AI is allowed for schoolwork as long as it isn't serving up the answers, and for anything creative. They'll grow up with it, and I'd rather they learn it with their eyes open than on the sly.
From the article: AI is not your friend
Set it on the phone itself. AI is also in Snapchat, WhatsApp and the browser, so ChatGPT's quiet hours only stop one app. On iPhone it's Downtime in Screen Time, on Android it's in Family Link, ideally from your evening cut-off through to the morning.
From the article: AI is not your friend
Ask it to, with a standing instruction it remembers. Here's the text to paste in, and where it goes in ChatGPT, Claude, Gemini and the rest.
13, and under-18s are supposed to have a parent's permission. The limit is OpenAI's own, mostly enforced by a birth date the child types in themselves. ChatGPT opening the door at 13 doesn't make 13 the right moment for your child.
From the article: Guide to kids and AI
Yes, after an honest attempt of their own. In one study, students who practised maths with a standard AI chat scored 17 per cent worse on the exam than students without AI, while those given hints did no worse. ChatGPT's “Study Mode” gives hints instead.
From the article: Guide to kids and AI
Yes. You invite your child's account from yours and set everything from there: quiet hours, “Study Mode” as default so it gives hints rather than answers, memory and model training off so conversations build no profile, and image generation and voice mode off by age.
From the article: Guide to kids and AI
No. You manage the settings, but the conversations are deliberately kept from you, and I think OpenAI got that right. Your child needs a room where embarrassing questions feel safe. If the system spots signs of serious crisis, you're contacted by email, text and phone.
From the article: Guide to kids and AI
Not without checking. AI gets things wrong in the tone it uses when it's right. Only one in three children understand it can't reliably tell fact from fabrication. Have your child quiz it on something they know inside out and see if the answer holds.
From the article: Guide to kids and AI
Because it's trained on human feedback: people rate answers they like more highly, so agreeing pays. In one study, models sided with the user about 50 per cent more often than humans. Ask it to push back and save the instruction on your child's account.
From the article: Guide to kids and AI
I'd be careful. Kids who confide in a chatbot are often lonely or vulnerable, and the AI is trained to take their side. In our house, AI is never the place to go with something that hurts. Ask your child to come to you first.
From the article: Guide to kids and AI
No. The age limit is 18, and a risk assessment by Common Sense Media and Stanford found AI companions, chatbots built to be a person, unsafe for anyone under 18. Character.AI closed its open conversations to minors. Ordinary tools like ChatGPT are a different discussion.
From the article: Guide to kids and AI
Not without Snapchat+. My AI sits at the top of the chat list, chosen by nobody, and has no age limit of its own. Easiest is to treat it as part of the app when you decide whether your child should have Snapchat at all.
From the article: Guide to kids and AI
Mostly not, going by Norway's guidance. The education authority recommends that Years 1 to 7 generally get no access, careful use in Years 8 to 10, and that upper secondary learns to use it. They're recommendations, and a useful anchor for the rules at home.
From the article: Guide to kids and AI
